A few other things banned by the NFL

Well, “Sports Illustrated” sure stirred up a hornet’s nest this week when they published the story that Ray Lewis used deer antler spray to help heal his torn triceps muscle. You may not know the story isn’t entirely new. Yahoo! Sports site thepostgame.com first made the connection between Lewis and the sellers of the spray in 2011. If you promise to come back and finish this blog, you can see that story here: http://tinyurl.com/b7l6phk The story doesn’t even mention that Lewis was seen rubbing his helmet on the goalpost to remove the velvet.

Isn’t it convenient that we’ve forgotten that Ray turned state’s evidence in Atlanta 13 years ago to avoid a murder rap? But I digress.

Here are some other things that the NFL bans:

* Helium: if a QB sucks enough before he barks out the signals, his voice can only be heard by the younger players.

* Land mines: “He’s to the 10… the 5…” BOOM! “Oh, the humanity!… And that’s why the Steelers haven’t lost a home game in 3 years. We’ll be back after the grounds crew fills in that nasty crater.”

* Motorcycles. Because you couldn’t ever catch anybody on a motorcycle.

* AK-47′s. Why? See #9. (Have you ever seen an NRA sponsorship in an NFL stadium? That’s why.)

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* Girls. They’re just too delicate. Couldn’t you imagine Brent Musberger going on about it. “She’s the hottest outside linebacker in the NFL.”

* Cheetahs. Also too fast. On the other hand, they fumble too much.

With this knowledge you will not be caught off guard by the next big sports scandal. Until it happens,

Give me 20, Slackers!
Coach Billy Jack Hoover
@coachbillyj

 

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