Just When I Got the Hang of “Adulting”

barry currin, stories of a world gone mad, beaverdamusa.comHave you heard about “adulting?”

Adulting is a relatively-new term some millennials use when they do something grown up. As is so common these days, it is normally expressed as a “hashtag” in conjunction with a social media post.

For example: “Today I cooked kale for dinner. #adulting”

Or: “I paid my electric bill before the gross amount was due. #adulting”

It doesn’t seem too long ago when I couldn’t wait to start adulting. In the beginning, it was a blast being carefree.

Doing things like eating potato chips for breakfast, risking eye damage by watching TV in the dark and only getting the mail a couple of times a week were all rites of passage.

I’ve been adulting a while now. I like to think I’ve gotten better at it over the years. I suspect that’s common as we gain experience and hopefully a little wisdom along the way.

Of course, as soon as adulting gets easy, we have to start “middle-aging.”

Middle-aging is adulting graduate school. It’s the time of life when we go to more funerals than weddings. It’s the time when we have to text our kid at college to get the Netflix password.

Lots of priorities change when we move from adulting to middle-aging.

For instance: “Today, I renewed my AARP membership before I received the third notice. #middle-aging.”

Or: “I think we need more insulation in the attic. #middle-aging.”

This morning I can barely walk. Apparently, sometime during the night, the sandman came into the bedroom and attempted to break my middle-aged right ankle. It’s killing me for no reason.

The mystery injury is one of the many ill effects of middle-aging.

So far this year, I have gone to three funerals and two weddings. I guess that’s within the margin of error, but I don’t like the way the trend is going. Plus, the weddings were children of friends, which doesn’t make me feel any younger.

Conversations change among us middle-agers, and it’s not certainly for the better.

People my age love to talk about the this-oscopy, that-oscopy and all the other-oscopies they’ve had to endure, while simultaneously complaining about their high insurance deductible.

“Bob can eat so much pizza” has been replaced by “Bob’s cholesterol is 265.”

“How fast will it go?” has been replaced by “What kind of mileage does it get?”

Instead of getting up a softball game, now when someone calls from church it’s for the prayer chain.

Daily tasks change as we begin middle-aging.

Trying to find all three remotes to control the television is getting harder. And remembering which input does what is more of a chore.

The list could go on and on. But, even though middle-aging has its drawbacks, it has its rewards as well.

Nobody calls anymore for help moving, getting a boost for their car battery or wanting to borrow a Pink Floyd album.

I can invite the majority of my friends over to watch a football game without having a carpet cleaning service reserved for the following Monday.

Empty nesting is a bittersweet component of middle-aging. It’s sad for the child to leave home. But on the bright side, we get another chance to eat potato chips for breakfast, watch TV in the dark and only get the mail a couple of times a week.

Social expectations get easier for the middle-ager. Nobody expects us to know who Drake or Ariana Grande is. And that’s okay, because if we do, the twenty-somethings look at us like we’re a bunch of weirdos trying to fit in.

In the grand scheme of things, middle-aging is one step in the journey. It’s not much harder than adulting.

But I sure would never say it’s all that and a bag of chips.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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