Hey Al Roker, Who Asked Ya to Critique our Blizzard?

blizzard beaverdamusa.com

No, we didn’t handle it very well, and we don’t need anybody pointing that out. (Photo by BeaverDamUSA.com blogger and transplanted Yankee Mark Grissom.)

I’ve been seeing and hearing lots of people from the north offering their opinions on the way the south dealt with Snow-pocalypse earlier this week.

What I apparently missed was us asking for your opinion.

It’s been a big deal to you guys, apparently. Even Al Roker came down here to in person criticize the way the Georgia politicians handled the mess. Hey Al: If the weather people had given us a heads up, maybe we could’ve tossed some salt around. Explain this to me: How can you forecast a hurricane a month in advance when it’s merely a little puff of wind 4,000 miles out to sea but no one can see a blizzard marching toward Atlanta like General Sherman?

And hey, at least Georgia’s governor didn’t purposely close down the interstate just because the mayor of Possum Gulch didn’t support his re-election. Down here it takes an act of God to grind our traffic to a halt. In New Jersey, it just takes a couple of bureaucrats and 3 emails later, poof! Gridlock on the George Washington Bridge.

Of course, New Yorkers can drive in the snow. That’s because all the roads there are one-way streets, flat, straight, and the top speed is 4 m.p.h. Good Lord, anybody can do that. Call me back when you’ve done Atlanta at 5 p.m., on Friday. And one more thing. Don’t come down here pretending you love the cold weather. I was in New York City a month ago when it was probably 20 degrees, and you people were scurrying around and whining like Justin Bieber in the drunk tank. It’s 6 degrees here as I write this, and the “cement pond has done gone and froze over.” I would give anything to be back in NYC where I fondly recall a balmy 25 degrees.

And if winter is no big deal to you, why do half of you spend the winter in Sarasota? All December long, every southern interstate is cram-packed with a caravan of Buick LeSabres from Ontario with a little old lady doing 50 in the left-hand lane. You’ve seen her: big goofy sunglasses over her eyeglasses, looking like she’s either about to look at a solar eclipse, or she’s on the way home from having her eyes dilated. Blinker on. Box of Klennex in the back deck. For Heaven’s sake, if she does break out in to spontaneous squalling, how is she going to reach them? Of course, it is fun to pass them and yell “Where’s the beef?”

So Al, and all you other Yanks who thought we looked stupid in our 2-inch blizzard, well we probably did to you. But this summer, when it’s 100 degrees, 100% humidity and 0% chance of rain in sight down here, you’ll look pretty stupid to us crying about it being 85 in The City. Remember, our snow will melt. But you’ll always have Snooki.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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