Bad Breath and Boogers (and Nose Hairs While I’m at It)

Loving the Cubs... and other problems I have Mark Grissom beaverdamusa.comI have a real problem with bad breath and boogers!

No, I am not talking about anyone in particular. I am talking about me personally. I am paranoid every day of my life that my breath might stink or I might have a booger hanging out of my nose.

I am sorry. It is an issue with me. I have issues, you know! I share my issues on my blog site. It’s what I do. Get over it!

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth. The last thing I do before I go to bed is brush my teeth. I wonder sometimes if I do this because I am wanting to take care of my teeth, (which, thanks to Dr. Beard, most of them are crowns), or if I am worried more about my breath.

I always have a few mints, pieces of chewing gum or, on occasion, a couple of Halls cough drops in my pocket. I do not want to have bad breath! I do not want anyone to be able to say, “Good Lord…. his breath STINKS”.

When I was a child, my father used to buy Certs breath mints by the case. He always had a box of Certs lying around on his dresser or in the nightstand or in the kitchen where he kept his keys. My father never left home without a pack of Certs in his pocket.

Given the previous paragraph information, I believe my fear of bad breath is hereditary!

The other issue I have is that I might possibly have a booger hanging out of my nose.

Sorry if this grosses you out. And I most certainly hope you’re not eating while reading this blog. However, this is a major concern of mine.

I have been around folks who have had boogers hanging out of their nose, and I want to say something to them… but I am afraid to. I am afraid I will embarrass them and they will not be my friends any longer. And then again, do I really need friends that have green ugly things hanging from their nose? I don’t think so!

Nose hairs are another issue.

I check every day or every other day to make sure I do not have a nose hair or two hanging out from the orifice of my nostril. It is not as noticeable now that I wear a moustache. The nostril hair will just tend to blend in with the moustache until I have a chance to pluck it from my nose.

That brings up a question. Is it safe to “pluck” a nose hair with your fingers? Or should you buy those expensive little pair of scissors and trim them out? They even have trimmers you can buy where you flip the switch; stick it up your nose hole and off comes the hairs! OUCH!!

Years ago I had a large funeral service about to take place. The minister was standing outside the parlor and his wife was by his side. I was talking to him and noticed a really long hair hanging down from the right nostril. Being a close friend to him, I softly said, “Pastor… you have a hair sticking out of your nose”.

Before he had time to even think about it, his wife reached over and with her thumb and index finger “yanked” that hair right out! “GOOD LORD, WOMAN, (the pastor exclaimed), that HURT!”

Do me a favor. If you are ever around me and you think I have bad breath, a booger or a nose hair… PLEASE tell me very softly that I need to tend to one of those items. That is what a real friend would do.

Also… let ME be the one to pull my own nose hair out! We will all be the better off.

Until next time…  God Bless You and … GO CUBS!

About Mark Grissom

Mark was born on the north side of Chicago in 1964. Raised a Cubs fan by his dad, he never had a chance in life. He moved to Cleveland, Tennessee, in 1988. While he lives closer to Atlanta now, he will never be able to leave the religion of "Cubbie Nation." Baptized as a Cubs fan at the age of five, he has no choice but to live the remainder of his life here on earth in mediocrity at its best!

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