Be on the Lookout for Blindfolded Birdbrains

barry currin, stories of a world gone mad, beaverdamusa.comI’m disturbed.

As it turns out, we’re dumber than I thought. And like everything else these days, we play it out larger than life on social media.

A couple of years ago, the craze was to video yourself pouring a bucket of ice water on your head, then challenging one of your friends to do it.

More recently, we had the one where people filmed themselves eating laundry detergent.

But now, in case you haven’t heard, we have the “Bird Box” challenge.

“Bird Box” is a new Netflix movie.

In the movie, the actors have to wear blindfolds when they go outside because a mysterious force has entered the universe, and if they see it they will die.

I imagine this is how Keith Richards’ neighbors feel when he forgets to close his blinds.

The “Bird Box” challenge, consequently, involves people doing everyday things while blindfolded.

In doing research for this column, I saw videos of people tripping over curbs, shrubbery and chairs.

One showed a guy on some kind of an indoor go-cart obliterating an end table and lamp.

In yet another one, a 2-year-old “hilariously” ran into a wall. (I say hilarious tongue-in-cheek. His parents should be put out to sea on a pool float. That would be hilarious.)

But the one dumb stunt that won the Charles Darwin Award was the girl in Utah who thought it would be neat to attempt to drive a car while blindfolded.

The unlucky driver she careened into was Curt Calder. The crash pretty much caved in the driver’s side of his vehicle.

It’s a wonder he wasn’t killed.

In an interview with CNN, a surprisingly composed Calder said, “I can’t imagine somebody purposely doing something that makes them not see while driving.”

One would think so, wouldn’t they Curt.

Hey, at least she wasn’t texting.

It’s not like we didn’t have enough to worry about already — with things like diseases, climate change, the government shutdown and Alabama’s failure to win a 73rd consecutive football national championship.

Now we’ve got to worry about a bunch of blindfolded bird brains heading toward us on foot, in cars and heaven knows what else.

I used to be afraid of self-driving cars. Now, I’m not so sure.

Imagine if this blindfold craze really caught on.

Sports would be more interesting. I can hear the game wrap-up now.

“The Cavaliers beat the Lakers last night, two to one. LeBron James was the leading scorer for both teams.”

NASCAR would be more popular than ever. 

Suddenly, taking off your belt at the airport would no longer the scariest thing about flying.

“From the flight deck, this is Captain Higgenbotham. Please notify a flight attendant if you look out the window and notice the houses getting larger.”

By the time you read this, the “Bird Box” nonsense will hopefully be a thing of the past.

Maybe it will be replaced by something useful.

How about the “don’t throw out your fast food bag on the side of the road challenge?”

I like the sound of the “random act of kindness challenge.”

But my favorite is the “let’s all give Barry some money challenge.”

I would love to see that one happen.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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