Pull Up Them Britches, Girlfriend

Nobody Ever Needs to See
Your Thong in Public

What Would Chely Do?
by Chely Sizemore

Sandra writes: Take a look at this pic, Chely. Do you think this is a sexy look or not?
butt floss thong beaverdamusa.com

Dear Sandra:

Let’s see… How do I put this mildly?…NO, it’s not sexy unless you’re trying to look like the world’s trashiest stripper!

Whew. I feel better now. Let me explain what I meant. Well, actually that is exactly what I meant. Look, sexy is all about two things: 1) being confident, and 2) leaving something to the imagination.

Confident means being comfortable with yourself and having a healthy self esteem. Hanging your bare bottom off the back of a bar stool isn’t confident, it’s skanky. And there ain’t nothin’ comfortable about this mess.

Let’s talk about leaving something to the imagination. In this picture, the only thing left to my imagination is why she has her jeans and drawers on crooked. Did she slip down? Is she stuck to the stool and can’t get loose? Because if she is, it’s time for her to get some help and go where she won’t be seen. (Maybe she’s married to this guy.)

So let’s break this down. Her jeans don’t fit. Her shirt doesn’t fit. And it’s obvious that her tie-dyed thong looks like somebody gave her a sideways wedgie, and she didn’t have time to try and fix it. This much is for sure: it didn’t happen when somebody was trying to stick a dollar bill in there, I can tell you that. (Follow Chely on twitter.)

And I just right now noticed, for Heaven’s sake, that you can see part of her rear end below the waist band! Peek-a-boo! I see skanky! I can’t look away. She’s like a wreck on the interstate.

Listen, girls: If you want a sexy blue jean look, start by getting a pair that fit. Don’t get them baggy, but please don’t leave your assets hanging in the wind. Here’s a test: if you sit down and you can feel a draft, you’ve gotta keep shopping around. And if you just have to wear that tie-dyed thong, make sure it’s covered. If you don’t, those people you hear laughing behind you… well, they just might be laughing at you.

Do you have a question for me? email chelyhugs@gmail.com.


Best Friend Problems

Best Friend Problems: “Friendships are Forever”

What Would Chely Do?
by Chely Sizemore

Jazmine writes: Dear Chely, I told my girlfriend we would hang out Saturday night, but then this cute guy asked me to a party he’s throwing, and I told him I would go. I really want to go. What should I do?

Jazmine: You made a mistake, girl. Don’t cause yourself best friend problems. First of all, take responsibility for it. Lots of times these days, people are looking for an excuse instead of taking responsibility.

Well… Now that we have out of the way, I will say it sounds like you may be more worried about missing the party than hurting your girlfriend. There will be other parties. But we only have so many friendships in our lives. Tell the guy that you accepted his invitation before you remembered you had other plans. (That might end up working in your favor. Hard to get is still one of our biggest weapons.) Tell him you already had plans to hang out with a friend, and the two of you might drop by the party if that’s okay.

Now, we’re not done yet. Tell your friend what you did. It’s okay to tell her you got a little anxious and lost your mind for a second. She’ll understand. Things like that have happened to the best of us, and y’all will probably have a big laugh about it. Then, ask her if she wants to drop by the party.

Have fun, and remember: parties are a dime a dozen, but friends are forever.

Do you have a question for me? email chelyhugs@gmail.com.


Friends after the breakup?

Chloe writes: “My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago after we were together 8 months. We were serious, but things weren’t so great lately and we both knew it was coming. Anyway, now he’s texting me saying he wants to be friends. Should I?”

Thanks for asking for boyfriend advice, Chloe. And the answer is a big fat “No,” girlfriend. You probably have plenty of friends. If you don’t, then get out there and make some. You don’t need an ex muddying the water. Of course if y’all have mutual friends you will need to be nice to each other. Anything less wouldn’t be fair to everyone else involved. You expected it anyway, so if he didn’t do it, you probably would have. Sounds like you both got some relationship experience. Take it and move on.

Follow Chely Sizemore on twitter

Let me be clear here. It’s okay to share the same friends if you were doing that before the romance started. People who are part of a group are acquaintances, they’re not necessarily friends. A friend is someone who comes over when you have the flu and watches “Dirty Dancing” with you. Do me a favor: on Saturday afternoon, text this guy, tell him you have the flu, you feel awful, and ask him if he wants to pick up some ice cream and come watch “Dirty Dancing” with you. And just for good measure, tell him you need him to stop by the feminine hygiene aisle for you while he’s at the store.

Let me know what he says. I’ve got a pretty good idea you’ll be on your way to a speedy recovery.

What do y’all think about the boyfriend advice I gave Chloe? Comment or email me at chelyhugs@gmail.com.


Saving Mr. Midriff

Mr. Midriff beaverdamusa.comWhat Would Chely Do?
Chely Sizemore (@chelysizemore)

“Hey there, Mr. Midriff. You look like a dang fool.”

Well that’s what I wanted to say, at least. But mama taught me to be more polite than that. And speaking of that, where is this poor boy’s Mama? Oh, I shouldn’t say that I don’t guess. She probably did the best she could. Or, she might say, “You should see him without a shirt on whatsoever.”

No thanks, Mr. Midriff’s Mama. We’re getting plenty ‘nuff of a view here.

The cutoff, cutout and cut away sweatshirt from his high school playing days is bad enough, but girls, it’s the visible waistband on his tidy whities just made me want to grab the checkout girl and a couple of bag boys and have an intervention right on the spot.

Here’s my advice or what to do if someone you love goes out in public looking like this.

First off, if you love somebody who would go out in public looking like this, email me at chelyhugs@gmail.com. I have some questions.

Second, you’ve just gotta be brutal and tell him he looks like a dang fool. Like I said, that was my first instinct. You don’t always go with your first instinct, but it’s rarely wrong, I’ve found.

Third, get your loved one a fashionable shirt at www.BeaverDamUSA.com. Maybe an orange one for him and a camo one for you. That way, at least nobody will see you coming.

Okay, y’all, I’ve gotta go. See you soon!


Have a question for Chely? Email chelyhugs@gmail.com

CraftBeerClub.com-The Finest Craft Beers from America’s Best Micro Breweries- 728x90 banner