What Falls on the Child in the House Stays in the House

barry currin, stories of a world gone mad, beaverdamusa.comBy now, you’ve probably seen the video of the 2-year-old being rescued by his twin brother after a dresser fell on him.

In case you haven’t, let me recap it for you:

The video looks to be shot from some kind of a video camera or what people call a “nanny cam.” This is a device that lets parents watch little Johnny on a little screen instead of watching him in real life.

Anyway, the two kids were climbing in and out of the dresser’s drawers when it tipped over and trapped one of them underneath. In a few seconds, the other boy pushed the dresser off of his brother, and another internet phenomenon was born.

For the record, count me in the growing number of people who suspect the video may have been staged. I’m no Columbo, but the drawers were empty and the video camera was aimed at the dresser.

Of course, the parents did what everyone does these days. They posted the video on Facebook.

“We were hesitant to post this video initially,” Ricky Shoff, the father was quoted in a CNN story, “but a lot of parents have probably made the same mistake that we made: (They) don’t have their furniture secure or bolted to a wall.”

He went on to say, “Our house is very childproof. We are really cautious about all this stuff, so it never really crossed our minds that something like this could happen.”

I know exactly what’s crossing these parents’ minds.

Let’s see what we have here.

Two toddlers apparently narrowly escape serious injury.

The parents watch the video.

They post it on Facebook.

Then they hit the talk show circuit.

NBC said the video highlighted “furniture danger.”

I guess gravity could not be reached for comment.

Assuming these kids’ guardian angels don’t hit the road for an easier gig, they will grow up, watch the video and wonder why the parents ever made it public in the first place.

This has Menendez brothers written all over it.

Of course, accidents do happen — even to the best of us.

When Grant was 15 months or so, I had brought him home from daycare after work. Kim hadn’t gotten home yet.

I was in the kitchen when I heard a crash from the living room.

Under the felled Christmas tree, I could see a little hand and foot flailing about as a cascade of ornaments danced around on the floor.

It looked like the Hallmark store ate my child in the living room then threw up.

After setting the tree back up and getting most of the sap out of Grant’s hair, we began the process of trying to cover up the unfortunate incident before mom got home.

We had our story straight: I wasn’t talking, and he didn’t know how to.

Of course, it was a hatchet job. Kim didn’t have her shoes off before she noticed how the ornaments were crammed haphazardly on the tree. Or, maybe she noticed the sap in the hair first, I don’t remember.

The bottom line is, we kept it to ourselves.

What falls on the child in the house stays in the house.

Facebook didn’t exist, and even if it had, I wouldn’t have posted the video showing me as the bungling idiot who let a tree fall on my child.

George Stephanopoulos didn’t call. Katie Couric didn’t call. Anderson Cooper didn’t call.

I didn’t blame gravity. 

I didn’t blame the tree or the tree stand. I didn’t blame Kim for being at work. I didn’t blame the daycare for letting me bring him home in the first place. I didn’t blame the Germans for inventing the Christmas tree 500 years ago.

I took the blame, learned something in the process and kept my mouth shut about it.

Sometimes, gravity happens. And there’s no need to tell the world for 20 years or so.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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