Grammys: The Worst Show I Never Watched

According to my Facebook timeline this morning, last night’s Grammy Awards was the worst 7 or 8 hours in the history of television. I didn’t watch it, but I do like music, so when I saw a list of Grammy winners, I clicked the link to see who won what.

If you didn’t watch the show, or if your birth century starts with a 2 instead of a 1, you’re dismissed. For the rest of you who might have missed it, here’s what I have gathered so far:

  • I will put this "Get Lucky" record against Daft Punk any day.

    I will put this “Get Lucky” record against Daft Punk any day.

    Record of the Year: “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk. This is wrong on so many levels. First of all, who is Daft Punk? I thought I was cool for knowing the Black Eyed Peas. Second, the “Get Lucky” record I remember was released by Loverboy somewhere around 1981 or ’82. You know it: the album cover art was the extreme close-up of the guy’s butt in the tight red leather pants with his fingers crossed. And “Working for the Weekend,” “Lucky Ones,” “Take Me to the Top” were all on there. So call me back, Mr. or Mrs. Daft Punk (if that is your real name), when people sing one of your songs every Friday afternoon 30 years from now.

  • Album of the Year: “Random Access Memories” by Daft Punk. Really?
  • Song of the Year and Best Pop Solo Performance: “Royals” by Lorde. Good Lorde, who? I thought the best solo performance of the year was Miley and the foam finger.
  • Best New Artist: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. Well thank God we got some new blood in the music business. You know, Daft Punk and Lorde are soooo last week.
  • Best Rap Song: “Holy Grail” by Jay-Z. It’s geting better, now. At least I have heard of Jay-Z. He is married to Beyonce.
  • Best Pop Vocal Album: “Unorthodox Jukebox” by Bruno Mars. I have heard of him, too — but only because he’s performing at halftime of the Super Bowl. I was actually thrilled to hear that Bruno Mars is the halftime entertainment, because that frees me up for 20 minutes to go to the kitchen and do something interesting with Velveeta Cheese.
  • Best Country Album: “Same Trailer, Different Park” by Kacey Musgraves. Well finally, something I can agree with. I actually bought this album as soon as I heard “Merry Go Round,” which incidentally, won Best Country Song. This album is as close to perfect as music gets. I blogged about it here last May.

So you see, I’m not old and out of touch. Just because I don’t know Daft Punk from a hole in the ground doesn’t mean I’m not hip. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to toss on some old Journey if I can find my cassette player.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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