Hashtag, She Said It, Exclamation Point

barry currin, beaverdamusa.com“…and hashtag we had an amazing time.”

If I hadn’t heard it with my own ears, I wouldn’t have believed it. But she said it. She honestly said the word “hashtag” out loud when describing the amazing time she had. I’m not making it up. Kim heard it, too. It was almost one of those, “Where were you when you heard Elvis had died?” moments. We were right across the street from East Tennessee State University, where this young lady was undoubtedly a student.

We can’t start saying “hashtag” out loud when describing something. We simply cannot. Tweet it. Instagram it. Facebook it, for Heaven’s sake, but please young people in America: don’t start saying “hashtag” out loud.

I’ve witnessed the beginnings of lots of slang terms in my years.

I was only a child when people started beginning sentences with the word “man,” as in, “Man, it’s hot in here.” That ran hand-in-hand with calling everybody man, as in, “Man, that’s a pretty dress you’re wearing, Jane.” or “Man, I don’t want to do my homework, Mom.”

Back then, girls were cool. Today, their daughters are hot. It means the same thing. Bad has been good for a long time. The list goes on.

In the ’90s, everything suddenly became awesome. Today, everything is amazing. I really don’t like that one. I’ve fallen into the awesome trap over the years, I’ll admit it. But I don’t think I will ever overuse amazing. To me, the fact that a 430-ton Boeing 747 can fly is amazing. A Facebook video of a little girl singing the National Anthem at a middle school football game is not. She may be good. But unless she levitates, it’s not amazing. Sorry. It’s not even awesome.

So now “sick” is good, and so is “fat,” and so is “stupid.” And everything is “literally.”

As in: “I was so mad I was literally breathing fire.”

Sometimes, misusing real words isn’t good enough for us. We have to invent words like “ginormous,” “amazeballs,” “awesome-sauce,” and “off the hizzle.”

Using words wrong, that’s one thing. Making up words, that’s another. But never before in the history of the spoken word has anyone ever spoken punctuation marks.

“…and hashtag, we had an amazing time.”

Why didn’t she say it like this: Open quote ellipsis and hashtag comma we had an amazing time period close quote

Conversation overheard at the mall:

Open quote Cody comma you aposotophe re a sick comma stupid dude period we should hang out exclamation point close quote

Open quote can apostrophe t comma Hannah dash you apostrophe re off the hizzle comma yourself dash but I have this ginormous open parenthesis italicized to denote emphasis close parenthesis chem test tomorrow period close quote

Open quote bummer period close quote

I hope I don’t come off as sounding like that “get off my lawn” guy. I try to be cool. In fact, people have been calling me stupid for years.

I guess I was just hashtag comma ahead of my time period

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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