Not Even the Junk Guy Would Take it

barry currin, beaverdamusa.com(Note: Barry Currin’s “Dam Thoughts” is now called “Stories of a World Gone Mad.” Same stuff, different name.)

The extra refrigerator door is now gone, but it didn’t go like I thought it would go.

A few weeks back, I wrote about the appliance delivery company sending us a replacement refrigerator door we did not need. I explained how I refused to face the humiliation of trying to return it. That’s a different story, but if you want to reference it for background, you can do so, here.

Over the past couple of months, this monstrosity of a thing — and the box it rode in on — became a festering wound as it sat in the garage. On the other hand, it came in handy for setting things on I was too lazy to put back where they went.

I thought about listing a for sale ad, but come on. The person would have to be in need of a freezer door for a certain model of Amana side-by-side refrigerator, in black no less. It was a milion-to-one shot. Not worth the effort.

My most devious idea was to take it under the cover of night to an appliance store and leave it on their stoop. I even had one in mind. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, though. I’m too empathetic for my own good, and I couldn’t bear to be the cause of the poor appliance guy losing his mind trying to figure out why this mystery door showed up on his doorstep.

I even thought some enterprising person could use it for something neat for the ol’ man cave. But, nobody wanted it. Did I mention it has in-door water, ice and a light?

So, last Saturday, I finally did it: I put it by the road for one of our local junk collectors to take.

Have you ever thrown a piece of bread into a pond full of bluegill and watch them devour it in 3 seconds? That’s how I figured this would be. I dragged it down the driveway to the road, and went back to the house and waited for the show to start. I thought I might get rid of it, plus see a good fight in the process.

A minute passed. Nothing. Then 5 minutes passed, then 5 hours, then 5 days.

There it still sat — rain drenched, bulky — and all-the-while killing a coffin-sized piece of grass in the yard.

The whole time I wondered what is wrong with these people who will scoop up a blown toaster oven or a mangled lawn chair, but ignore something brand new. The box even said “Authorized Whirlpool Factory Parts” on the side. Who wouldn’t be curious enough to peek inside?

Once, my garbage can was so heavy, I wrote “Sorry” on a sticky note and stuck it to the lid along with a $5 bill. But I just couldn’t pay someone to take it off when I knew the Public Works Department would snatch it on their next run.

And that’s just what happened. Earlier today, here came the big, loud Public Works truck with its mechanical arm and the rusty claw of death.

Yes, it is finished, it is gone. And, yes, I feel badly about it. But, I learned a junk man needs an extra refrigerator door about as badly as I need a broken-down lawn chair.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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