Don’t Look to Me for Vols Sports News

barry currin, stories of a world gone mad, beaverdamusa.comBy the time I was a teenager, I knew I wanted to become a newspaper reporter.

I would wear a trench coat and a fedora with a press pass stuck in the band and rendezvous with confidential sources in an alley on cold and rainy winter nights.

Everyone who knew me, however, assumed I would end up being a sports reporter since I was such a born-and-bred University of Tennessee football fan.

I probably would have been a decent sports reporter early in my career. I’m sure I would’ve landed somewhere covering local teams where I didn’t have an interest one way or another.

But of course, if I had taken that route, my goal would’ve been to rise through the ranks and cover the Vols at one of Knoxville’s papers.

I can see my first day playing out something like this.

“Hey, Mr. Sports Editor, here’s my headline, ‘Vols Go Unbeaten, Win National Title Again.’”

“That’s a great headline, except it’s just the first week of the season.”

“I’ll keep it on file.”

Things have changed a lot since then, with so much sports news delivered over the internet.

Every team has a couple dozen fan websites that overanalyze every high ankle sprain and speculate on what the most recent suspension for “violation of team rules” really means.

I follow a few sites that cover UT sports. I like to think I only follow the reputable ones.

Yesterday, however, I was taken aback by a post that talked about who might be Tennessee’s next football coach. Below the headline was a photo collage of three coaches, and one of them was Lane Kiffin.

In case you don’t know, Kiffin was the former Tennessee coach a few years back who lit the program’s still-burning dumpster fire before sneaking out of town in the middle of the night for another job.

Tennessee fans detest him with every drop of orange blood in their veins. Some people dream about winning the lottery. The Big Orange nation dreams about a thirsty Lane Kiffin ringing their doorbell asking for water.

I re-read the headline and held my thumb over the screen while saying, “Don’t click, don’t click, don’t click,” and then I clicked.

According to this story, some nut has made the odds of Tennessee rehiring Kiffin 10,000-to-1. If the odds would’ve been 10,000,000-to-1, it would’ve still been absurd.

Who comes up with this stuff? 

Tennessee would hire a shoe for football coach before they would hire him. I don’t mean a new shoe. I’m talking about an old, worn out and smelly shoe that can’t coach.

It made me mad. In fact, I got so mad I even commented on the post and used the word imbecile, which I never do. I was mad about it all night, and I’m still mad about it.

I’m not sure if I’m madder at the source of the story, who obviously doesn’t have enough to do, or the person running the website who thinks we’re all a bunch of gullible hicks who might buy in to such nonsense.

I’m sure my mood will probably improve pretty quickly, though. After all, if someone can lay odds on Kiffin coaching at Tennessee again, I figure I have a decent shot that he will ring my doorbell asking for water.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him:

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