Leaked Nude Celebrity Photos; Imagine That

barry currin, beaverdamusa.comI don’t understand why people become computer hackers. I guess they don’t have much going on in their lives. I envision them hunched in a dark, damp cave Bin Laden-style, with an old Mac Plus powered by a goat on a conveyor belt chasing a carrot on a stick. It’s probably not that way, but that’s the way I see them.

I also don’t understand why these people waste their bright minds on criminal pursuits like this. I guess it’s because they know they can’t be caught. Apparently, a dark cave plus the Internet makes a pretty good hiding place.

But what blows my mind is how in the world these people can be so smart, yet so unimaginative at the same time. If you’re going to hack into someone’s personal information, steal their credit card information, for Heaven’s sake. Then go and buy a brand new coal-oil lamp for the ol’ cave. That I could understand. But hacking celebrities’ accounts just to post nude pictures of them?

I hate to break it to you, Mr. Goat Herder, but that’s been done to death.

Yet again in this week’s episode of social media short attention span theater, the Internet is all abuzz with another wave of leaked nude photos of female celebrities. This time it was Kate Upton, Jennifer Lawrence and Kirsten Dunst, among others.

Kate Upton nude? Hasn’t she been in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue for the past umpteen years? Call me back when you can leak a picture of Kate Upton wearing clothes.

It’s not all Mr. Goat Herder’s fault, though. There’s plenty of blame to go around.

People are trying to blame Apple, saying their iCloud data storage security is lax. Of course, Apple quickly put the blame on Kate & Co., in a statement, saying, “We have discovered that certain celebrity accounts were compromised by a very targeted attack on user names, passwords and security questions, a practice that has become all too common on the Internet.”

I am growing a bit weary of these so-called leaked photo scandals. Guys, if you don’t want your nude picture plastered for every nut job in the world to see, don’t put it online. Go get yourself a Polaroid camera, a safe deposit box, some chardonnay and go crazy. And for the love of Hugh Hefner, don’t act so appalled when it happens to you. Just about everyone can see right through that level of acting, regardless of how many Oscars some of you may have won.

Michael Fertik, chief executive of a company called Reputation.com was quoted in a Newsweek article saying, “If you must take a nude photo use a non-obvious password.”

Tell me about it, Michael. It doesn’t seem that hard, does it?

The same article said the FBI was looking into the celebrity photo hacking. Isn’t that a glorious use of government resources. I’ve had my identity stolen — and been a victim of credit card fraud — three times, and I haven’t heard from the FBI yet. Of course, I’m not an actor in “The Hunger Games” so I guess that explains it.

The bottom line is, as long as we live in a world where the only thing between our personal information and a computer hacker is PASSWORD1234, we’re one hungry goat away from being caught with our pants down.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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