Quicksand Makes a Comeback

barry currin, stories of a world gone mad, beaverdamusa.comI have terrible news.

Quicksand is real.

I kid you not.

An Arizona man got stuck in some while hiking in Utah a few days ago. According to reports, he was only submerged in it up to his knee, but he couldn’t free himself.

The area he was in had no cell phone service. Consequently, the woman who was with him had to hike three hours to go for help. Rescuers didn’t get him out until the next day. 

During the rescue process, 4 inches of snow fell, obviously further complicating the process.

Rescuers ended up having to lift him out on a rope attached to a helicopter.

Both the victim and his companion are expected to be fine, which is good news.

The bad news is, I now have to start worrying about quicksand again.

I stopped worrying about quicksand sometime around 1974, so you can understand why this development is especially troubling.

When we were kids, all the TV studios brainwashed us daily with fears of quicksand.

The Riddler lured Batman and Robin into a big pool of it. Gilligan and Mary Anne fell in once.

Quicksand appeared in at least three Fantasy Island episodes.

The Six Million Dollar Man had to rescue someone from it. The Bionic Woman even got stuck in some once.

Charlie’s Angels and Daisy Duke were all victims as well — not together of course. That would’ve just been silly.

I don’t recall any specifics, but I would bet my bottom dollar Scooby Doo and the gang sunk up to their Adam’s apples more than a time or two.

Soap operas weren’t immune to the quicksand epidimic. Characters from Days of Our Lives, General Hospital and One Life to Live all stepped in it more than once.

I don’t know about you, but my friends and I were always on the lookout for quicksand anytime we would be out in the wild — which was most of our waking hours.

Then, over time, I guess we realized it wasn’t really going to be a problem we had to be too concerned about.

Now, this happens after all these years.

Of course this begs the question: what else may be real?

I’m suddenly concerned about how many watermelon seeds I may have swallowed. And I’m pretty sure at least one piece of Bubblicious went down the wrong way.

Is a UFO going to come zap me up to the mother ship?

And the bogeyman, for heaven’s sake. I’m never looking under the bed again.

And someone please tell me if we’re still tracking that enormous swarm of killer bees that is migrating north from South America.

I laughed about armadillos migrating to Tennessee, and we see what happened with that.

On the other hand, what if the tooth fairy is real? Or the Easter bunny?

I was just getting used to being able to sleep on Christmas Eve.

I’m not sure this is a universal myth, but where I grew up the rumor circulated from time to time that the sheriff’s office found a Trans Am with a decomposed body in it and they were selling it for $500.

All the lucky buyer had to do was deal with the smell.

I’m going to the bank just in case.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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