How to: Recap the Super Bowl

katherine holmgren, beaverdamusa.comThe following is a detailed play by play of The Super Bowl XLIX:

1st Quarter: The game kicked off with me alone in my house eating goldfish crackers that I bought as a form of self-medication when I realized I didn’t have a Super Bowl party to attend. I mean, I get it. We live in Nashville and we are too cool to care about anything except farm to table coffee or whatever, but this is the Super Bowl we’re talking about. This is what it means to be an American. I watched the entire first quarter–despite having not watched a single minute of the NFL season preceding the game–because it was my civic responsibility. I’m proud to be an American.

2nd Quarter: The second half of the first half of the game heated things up with a giant power play which was me deciding to go ahead and start making that soup I had planned for my dinner. Sausage, onion, garlic, tomatoes, chicken stock, cheese tortellinis, spinach, and italian seasonings. You can’t go wrong. I make it no less than once every three weeks and eat it for five days at a time. This Super Bowl Edition of the tortellini soup was special because it was flavored by the tears I cried from watching that terrifying Nationwide commercial about the dead kid. Over the course of the next day I forced my roommate, her boyfriend, and a few unsuspecting coworkers to watch the commercial as well so that the weight of my horror could be shared.

Halftime: Katy Perry, Sharks, Beach Balls, etc.

3rd Quarter: At this point the lives on my Bingo Game iPad App refreshed. I didn’t resurface until the 4th quarter.

4th Quarter: Here’s where things really got tense and exciting. I got a lot of Bingos and leveled up because I collected so many gems and tokens in the 3rd Quarter. In the final minutes of the game I was keeping track of 8 cards simultaneously–a throwback to the days of my youth when I played Bingo at Crestview Country Club on Thursday nights with my family. It was insane! What about the Super Bowl, you ask? Uhh…well, from what I remember the game just kind of fizzled out and all of the players were just super polite to each other. Nothing too exciting.

So that was Super Bowl XLIX as I remember it. As I type, I am finishing the bag of goldfish crackers I started in the first paragraph. God Bless America.

About Katherine Holmgren

Katherine Holmgren grew up in the metropolitan jungles of Kansas so she's street smart and deeply Midwestern. She moved to Nashville in 2008 and currently spends her time working at a desk by day and playing music by night. When she's procrastinating on the work she is supposed to be doing, Katherine enjoys eating at Chipotle, reminding people about her Swedish heritage, and assuring Netflix that yes, she is still watching. Play on.

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