Social Media Hasn’t Changed Since the Roaring ’20s

barry currin, stories of a world gone mad, beaverdamusa.comLet’s check in with Jedidiah and Effie — sometime during the roaring ‘20s — as they pass the time on social media while sitting around the pot-bellied stove.

Effie: Who does Myrtle think she is?

Jed: What’s she done now?

“Changed her profile picture.”

“Again?”

“A selfie at a speakeasy, no less. She’s got some gall — and look at that flapper dress. How vulgar. Nobody wants to see her arms. I’m going to count how many times she has changed her profile picture over the past three days. Seven! Of all the nerve. I just unfollowed her. Ha! Take that, Myrtle!”

“That is some good looking egg salad.”

“Who posted that?”

“I’ve already scrolled past it. I’ll go back in a minute.”

“You won’t be able to find it. Any time I go back to look for something I’m actually interested in, I can never find it.”

“I know. All I see is Calvin Coolidge this and Calvin Coolidge that.”

“I wish I could hide everything political.”

“I thought it would calm down after the World War.”

“The good news is, it can’t get any worse. Oh, look. Harold just posted a photo of him sitting in the driver’s seat of a brand new Model A. He said, ‘You get a horse, I’ll get this instead, lol.’ I just loved it.”

“You can like it, but don’t love it. Nobody clicks the love button.”

“Well, how do I undo it?”

“I don’t think you can on the phone app. You have to log into the desktop version.”

“I don’t remember my password.”

“It doesn’t matter. He will get so many likes and comments, he won’t notice yours. He doesn’t have to worry about me seeing him in his Model A. I unfollowed him after he didn’t wish me a happy birthday one day after I liked a photo of him in his new wingtip shoes.”

“He is a showoff. Oh, look! Margaret just went live. She’s going to show the birth of her new calf. She’s getting tons of ‘awwws’ and ‘too cutes.’”

“I’m going to comment that I can’t wait to be invited over for veal. Is there an emoji for veal?”

“I don’t think so. Lamb, yes. But I don’t think there is a veal emoji. I read where there is a gender-neutral pony emoji now. You might could slip that one in!”

“I’m doing it. Make sure and love it.”

“I can’t love it. Nobody does that, remember? I will like it if I see it.”

“Hey, Effie. Marvin just asked for recommendations for a blacksmith. He knows good-and-well who all the blacksmiths are. He just wants to make sure everybody knows he got a new team of mules. What a fake.”

“He’s almost as transparent as his wife. One minute somebody’s tagging her in a Sunday school picture, and 15 minutes later she’s sharing a recipe on how to make corn mash. Hey, have you seen this? ’Nine things your peddler isn’t telling you.’ It says I won’t believe No. 7.”

“What’s No. 7?”

“I don’t know. I clicked to see the three warning signs of malaria.”

“Hang on a minute, Effie, I’m doing a quiz to see which silent film star I am. John Barrymore! I’m sharing it. How many likes do you think I’ll get?”

“Who cares? I think I may have malaria!”

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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