Spring is Wonderful, Most of the Time at Least

barry currin, stories of a world gone mad, beaverdamusa.comSpring is a time of rebirth.

The trees bud. The days get longer. The temperatures — at least in theory — warm up.

I love spring. 

But the season also presents challenges for me.

The highway department has already dragged out that looming, booming flying Bush Hog on a stick that they use to mangle trees and bushes that dare to grow along the roadside.

I despise that thing.

First of all, anytime I pass it, I’m afraid the guy running it is going to hit the wrong button and chop up the mighty Prius with me in it.

Second, the devastation it leaves in its wake looks horrible. It chews up the limbs and leaves them ragged and skinned. It creates one-sided trees that look like the Tasmanian Devil just whizzed through town.

And third, it’s loud. If the devil were a musician, it would be on his greatest hits album. It sounds like — well, it sounds like what it is: a big rotary blade flying through the air chewing up 6-inch tree limbs.

Sometimes they use it along the roadside behind my house which is annoying. 

However it does make for a good husband and wife activity. Kim and I go out on the deck and flail our arms to try and make him stop cutting our cover while we bob and weave dodging flying projectiles.

I’m not sure Napalm would be much worse.

Yes, of course, I realize we have to keep the tree limbs from growing in the road. And no, I don’t have a better alternative, but we somehow managed to keep vegetation from growing out in the road before.

On the other hand, like the city’s remote-controlled lawnmower they use to mow the grassy slopes around overpasses in town. I nearly drive in the ditch watching it.

If I were mayor for a day, I would find out where that thing is and make them let me run it for a while.

Another drawback to warmer weather is the way people dress.

Our collective modesty as a society — both men and women — disappears just a little more each year. 

I saw a guy yesterday at the store who had on one of those tank tops with huge gaping arm holes that leave nothing to the imagination.

I guess that’s why I got a full-on view of the two piercings he had on his chest. I won’t tell their exact location because I don’t know if the newspapers will let me use the word, but you probably get my drift.

Of course, spring means 496 trillion mosquitoes are breeding somewhere in a pond near you, waiting to get their marching orders to bite somebody else right before they do the deed on your forehead.

And then we have snakes that slither up out of the ground when the weather warms up.

What was mother nature thinking, for crying out loud?

Did we not learn anything from that Garden of Eden incident?

Yes, I know they help control the rodent population. And I also know the non-venomous ones prey on the ones that can bite and subsequently kill us.

But you won’t see me searching around in the weeds looking for one to congratulate it.

That would just stir up more pollen.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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