Breaking down The Clowney Effect

Don’t be afraid. I promise not to make any bad puns using Jadeveon Clowney’s name. Of course that may or may not be because I can’t think of one that I haven’t already heard, but I digress. Instead, I’m going to get all original and coin a brand new phrase called the Clowney Effect.

Simply put, the Clowney Effect is when you have one of something when you really need two. For instance:

clackers

Clacker toy. Or should I say Slacker Toy?

  • Clackers (Are you old enough to remember clackers? Worst toy ever. Slacker toy.)
  • Shoes
  • Properly inflated bicycle tires
  • All-American linebackers

Consider this. Against Georgia, Clowney was on the field for 78 percent of the Gamecocks’ defensive plays. Yet, when he was in the game, Georgia averaged 8.3 yards per play, compared to 2.8 yards when he was on the sideline. Moreover, when he was on the field, the Bulldogs had 17 plays of more than 10 yards. When he was on the bench, they had two.

After the game, a frustrated Clowney exhibited shades of the Manziel Effect (running of the mouth) when he told reporters he had asked to be moved around where Georgia couldn’t continually run away from him. I’m sorry No. 7, your teammates on the other side have to keep that from happening. And on Saturday, they let you down.

So listen to me, young quarterbacks and aspiring coaches. When you see Jadeveon Clowney lined up on one side, you run the play to the other side every single time – every single stinking time. As in, “Hey defense, we’re going this-a-way, and Clowney can’t catch us on a motorcycle.” It makes coaching sound easy doesn’t it?

Of course, it doesn’t hurt to have a 4-wheel-drive truck at running back either. And that is what you call the Gurley Effect and not too many teams have that.

The SEC East in 2 minutes…

  1. Georgia will not be denied another shot at ‘Bama in the SEC Championship game, and they know they have to pretty much run the table to get the opportunity. And that’s exactly what they will do. With Aaron Murray pulling the trigger and sophomore Todd Gurley steamrolling the ball downhill, look for Uga to be smiling until December.
  2. A Steve Spurrier team always has more answers than questions. They’re ranked #6 pre-season, but I’m concerned about Connor Shaw behind center. He’s talented, but Steve can push a QB a bit hard sometimes. And coming from me, that’s a statement! On the other side of the ball, though, Jadeveon Clowney & Co., are going to cause misery every Saturday. Not much is going to get past the Gamecock defense.
  3. The Florida Gators took everybody by surprise last year posting a 7-1 conference record. This year, though they will begin the season with QB Jeff Driskel as their most accomplished rusher. That’s a scary thought – especially without a proven backup. Tailback Matt Jones continues to recover from a viral infection, and Mike Gillislee is gone. The other backs are unproven. On defense, the early NFL departure of 3 Gator starters didn’t help things either.
  4. Question: Who’s the most popular coach never to win a game? Answer: New Tennessee coach Butch Jones. The folks on Rocky Top are ecstatic about having someone to make them forget the Kiffin-Dooley one-two punch. The talent simply isn’t there for the Vols yet, but look for them to win the ones they should, plus one they shouldn’t.
  5. The biggest question to Vanderbilt’s season right now is how their horrific off-season problems will affect their performance on the field. Just this past week, receiver Chris Boyd was charged as an accessory after the fact in the alleged rape of an unconscious female Vandy student. It will be interesting to see how James Franklin handles the situation, especially as long as police say the investigation is continuing. And let’s make sure and remember the alleged victim here, as her life was changed forever.
  6. Missouri isn’t ready to compete yet.
  7. Kentucky made a great hire in Mark Stoops, but the talent isn’t there. But it’s coming. Guaranteed.
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