Who hates you, baby? Loathing the SEC schools

Don’t tell me we’re not passionate about football down here in SEC country. I did a google search with the following question for each SEC team:

“Why do people hate (name of school) football?”

The results were fairly interesting:

1. Florida 78,600,000. I’m not sure if this makes Florida the winner or the loser of the contest. I suspect that depends on whether you’re responsible for one of the 78.6 million hits. MVP: Steve Spurrier, Miss Congeniality Urban Meyer.

Miley Cyrus, 32,700,000 (I just tossed that one in there for perspective.)

2. Mississippi State 28,600,000. Ha! You got beat by a girl!

3. Kentucky 17,900,000. What’s remarkable here is that “Why do people hate Kentucky basketball?” only got 1.16 million hits. Congrats, ‘Cats on finishing second in the East.

4. Georgia 11,200,000. The ‘Dawgs have earned plenty of enemies over the years. “LINDSAY SCOTT, LINDSAY SCOTT, LINDSAY SCOTT!” (No, ‘Dawgs, it won’t make you feel any better about Saturday night, but it’s fun to listen to Munson just the same.)

5. South Carolina. 7,050,000. MVP: Steve Spurrier.

6. Missouri 5,590,000. Must be some Big 12 hold-over.

7. Arkansas 4,590,000. MVP: Bobby Petrino

8. Auburn 2,880,000. Apparently, Georgia fans broke their computers Saturday night instead of ranting on them.

9. Texas A&M 2,830,000. Incidentally, “Why people hate Johnny Manziel?” got 298,000.” And “Why people hate Johnny Football?” got 23,500,000. You see kids, you can’t be bigger than your team, but your marketing brand can be.

10. LSU 2,590,000. Buy us a praline, we’ll keep our mouth shut.

11. Alabama 2,310,000. Incidentally, “Why people hate Nick Saban?” just got 53,000. Compare that to Phil Fulmer, 1.2 million; Phil Collins, 247,000; Phil Dunphy, 13 million; Punxsutawney Phil, 486,000. So Nick, if you want to play with the big boys, I guess you need to change your name to Phil.

Brief digression: How can 13 million people hate Phil Dunphy?

12. Tennessee 1,710,000. Comp us a night at the Days Inn in Gatlinburg, we’ll keep our mouth shut.

13. Ole Miss 1,150,000. Hugh Freeze looks so much like Mr. Freeze (google it), we’re afraid to hate him.

14. Vanderbilt 996,000. Incidentally, before James Franklin, it was only 258.


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