Don’t be afraid. I promise not to make any bad puns using Jadeveon Clowney’s name. Of course that may or may not be because I can’t think of one that I haven’t already heard, but I digress. Instead, I’m going to get all original and coin a brand new phrase called the Clowney Effect.
Simply put, the Clowney Effect is when you have one of something when you really need two. For instance:
- Clackers (Are you old enough to remember clackers? Worst toy ever. Slacker toy.)
- Properly inflated bicycle tires
- All-American linebackers
Consider this. Against Georgia, Clowney was on the field for 78 percent of the Gamecocks’ defensive plays. Yet, when he was in the game, Georgia averaged 8.3 yards per play, compared to 2.8 yards when he was on the sideline. Moreover, when he was on the field, the Bulldogs had 17 plays of more than 10 yards. When he was on the bench, they had two.
After the game, a frustrated Clowney exhibited shades of the Manziel Effect (running of the mouth) when he told reporters he had asked to be moved around where Georgia couldn’t continually run away from him. I’m sorry No. 7, your teammates on the other side have to keep that from happening. And on Saturday, they let you down.
So listen to me, young quarterbacks and aspiring coaches. When you see Jadeveon Clowney lined up on one side, you run the play to the other side every single time – every single stinking time. As in, “Hey defense, we’re going this-a-way, and Clowney can’t catch us on a motorcycle.” It makes coaching sound easy doesn’t it?
Of course, it doesn’t hurt to have a 4-wheel-drive truck at running back either. And that is what you call the Gurley Effect and not too many teams have that.