Truck Nuts for a Birthday Present?

What Would Chely Do?
by Chely Sizemore

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Becky Writes: Dear Chely, I’m getting my boyfriend, Dan, a set of truck nuts for his Big Dodge truck. I think they look amazing. What color do you think I should go with, flesh or camo?

Dear Becky: I have a question for you. Is that what you want to be known for? Getting a boy a set of (I can hardly say it) truck nuts? I can hear it now: “Hey Dan, where’d you get those awesome camo trucksticles?” Oh, my sweet, adorable girlfriend Becky got them for me.” Listen, Becky. I’ve always thought that people who had those hanging from their big ol’ truck probably might be deficient elsewhere, if you know what I mean. But you probably already know if that is the case. Make him a nice meal for his birthday. You might try mountain oysters. I hear they’re in season.

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Hey, I Fixed It

You Can’t Fix Stupid:
Ten Things This Guy
Must Have Been Thinking

can't fix stupid meme

And he did it in less than 6 hours!

10. Yeah, I think my driver’s license will fit through this hole. So we’re good.

9. When I nod off to sleep, my hair sticks to the tape. Gotta fix that.

8. Without having to worry about looking to my left, it’s 25% easier to text while driving.

7. “Yes, I’d like a 10-piece McNuggets, individually wrapped and handed to me one at a time.”

6. Only 63 more payments, and she’s allllll mine.

5. Gotta get me one of those Share the Road bumper stickers.

4. Yes, chicks certainly seem to dig it. I get lots of looks.

3. Gonna have to plug those holes before it gets much colder.

2. You know those overhead signs on the interstate that tell us how many traffic fatalities we’ve had? Those are stupid, and dum. (You see, he’s too dumb to be able to spell it. He has tape over his entire driver’s side window, for God’s sake. You can’t fix stupid, people!)

1. You can look in the top hole for free, but if you wanna see through the bottom one, it’ll cost you a quarter.

My Boyfriend Loves My Truck More Than Me

What Would Chely Do?
by Chely Sizemore

WWCD logoClick here to LISTEN to this edition of “What Would Chely Do?”

Britney writes: Dear Chely, I’ve been going out with this boy for a while, and I’m beginning to think he only dates me because of my truck. Sometimes I feel like it would be okay with him if I just stayed home.

Dear Britney: Every girl has faced something like this. When I was about your age, I got a brand new bass boat, and the boys came out of the woodwork wanting to go fishing. Then I realized they didn’t care about fishing. They just wanted me to take them out in the boat. Boys are basically idiots, and they’re always going to want something we’ve got, whether it’s a boat, or a truck, or — well, you get the idea. Here’s a little experiment you can try: Call up your boyfriend and tell him you wrecked your truck last night. If he immediately asks if you got hurt, you’re in the clear. If he asks if you hurt the truck, you may need to upgrade to something with a little something more under the hood, if you know what I mean.

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