4 SEC coaches separated at birth

SEC football is what makes life worth living for most of us. And recently, some of you slackers have gotten so serious about it that it’s not fun anymore. If your team doesn’t win the National Championship, you’re ready to tar and feather the head guy and go after another coach (who hasn’t won a NC where ever he is either, most likely.)

So today, let’s have a little fun. You don’t have to tell your twitter buddies (who also think you should fire your coach) that you read it. Just make sure to erase it from your browser history.

I’ve always thought that Nick Saban looks like Papa John. Of course, Nick has a few years on Papa, but I still stand by the comparison. So Papa says, “Better ingredients, better pizza. Papa John’s.” I submit that Nick could say “Better recruits, better team, Coach Nick’s.” Has a ring to it. Don’t you think? Their shirts even match, almost.

Do you think Butch Jones tells his Tennessee players to “FALL IN!” the way Sgt. Carter used to do it on the Gomer Pyle show? I’m sure he does not, but that doesn’t mean that he cannot look like the late Vince Sutton, who played Pyle’s crotchety superior. Maybe Jones could make Vol quarterback Justin Worley put a bucket over his head and sit on a stool until he figures out how to hit open receivers. If you’re too young to remember Gomer Pyle, you missed some funny television. (Tyler Bray went pro a year early for a reason, Vol fans. Shazam! Butch would’ve killed him.)

Mark Richt and Rob Lowe. I’ll admit this is a stretch. In my mind I imagined a photo of “Risky Business”-era Rob alongside Richt both with their cool-breeze Ray Bans on. But all Rob’s Ray Ban pictures are from years ago, and Mark just doesn’t have the hair to pull it off.

Finally, I couldn’t resist comparing Hugh Freeze to Mr. Freeze, just on name alone. Freeze is the coolest last name on the planet. But when I ran across these pictures of Hugh and the Batman villain, they actually do favor a bit, except that Mr. Freeze is gray. I don’t have anything real funny to say about this. I think it speaks for itself. Aight, slackers, you’ve had your fun for the day, now go out there and tweet ’til your team fires that bum of a coach of yours.

5 things I can’t believe after 3 weeks

  1. Missouri is the only unbeaten team (2-0) in the SEC East. Yes, they’ve played two slacker games while everybody else has actually broken a sweat. But, Missouri’s conference schedule is one that could play nicely in their favor as we move toward December. Georgia on the road is their toughest remaining game. But I won’t get ahead of myself. Let’s see what coach Gary Pinkel does on the road against Indiana Saturday.
  2. Nobody can figure out how to slow down Johnny Football. His most slippery move, of course, came before the season even started by making the NCAA whiff in the wake of the autograph scandal. Somebody called him Johnny Cash on twitter, and that was pretty funny, but I digress. Anyway, even though the Aggies fell to Alabama, Manziel still manufactured 628 yards of offense. If Saban can’t stop him, who can?
  3. Alabama has problems on defense. Virginia Tech moved the ball against the Tide in week 1, and we’ve already given Manziel enough ink. Of course, Saban has plenty of time to tinker and tweak (I almost typed twerk.)before their next test, which doesn’t happen until Nov. 6 against LSU.
  4. Auburn is 3-0. Of course all three of their games have come against schools with “State” after their name (Sorry Mississippi State). But still, nobody had the Tigers picked to be perfect after 25% of the season was in the books.
  5. Mississippi State is bad with their only win coming against Alcorn State. They will even it up after beating Troy on Saturday, but that just makes the game against LSU and the Mad Hatter that much closer. Mississippi State fans, go on and book that New Year’s Eve package. It’s not going to conflict with football.


The SEC West in 2 minutes…

1. Alabama is going to win the West. There’s not much that could happen that could sidetrack that. I hate clichés, so I’m not going to say “they don’t rebuild, they reload.” But right now, that’s what they’re doing in Tuscaloosa. You know the names; I won’t bore you.

2. LSU has been the forgotten team this preseason with Bama’s dominance and Johnny Namath, uh I mean Manziel’s misgivings (which I will address in a minute). And I’m sure Les Miles loves it. He’s down there in Baton Rouge devising his diabolical plan to win it all. He can’t do it, because a bad case of graduation-itis struck his defense. But he’ll be good enough to finish second.

3. Over in College Station, things are going in a different direction with Johnny Manziel. Last year, we named him our @secpigskinpicks Player of the Year. Well, player of the year he was; but his high flying off-season shenanigans have soured me on him. Did he sell autographs? It sure looks that way. Will he ever step behind center for A&M again? Probably. A slap on the wrist is a likely scenario since the NCAA’s burden of proof goes way beyond reasonable doubt. And, A&M has hired a fancy law firm with NCAA investigation experience to keep him in an Aggie uniform. But he’s a target now, and we know Saban, the Mad Hatter and all the other SECW coaches have been keying on turning him from unstoppable to merely effective. And “effective” isn’t going to get it done in the SEC.

4. Last year, Mississippi State won their first seven games before a loss to Alabama forced the Bulldogs to implode. Tyler Russell still has plenty of weapons, but don’t look for them to get there this year. I’m seeing about a .500 conference record.

5. Ole Miss: heading in the right direction, but not there yet.

6. Arkansas: nope.

7. Auburn: look for the Tigers to be mainstays on their opponents’ highlight reels.

Whenever I’ve got 2 more minutes, I’ll preview the East. And remember to listen to @secpigskinpicks every Thursday night during football season during @thesportsdrive on 101.3 The Buzz!

Vandy Coach James Franklin: too big for his britches

The first thing I did was look to see if Vanderbilt plays Alabama this fall. They do not; and that’s a good thing for the Commodores.

It’s a good thing because Vandy Coach James Franklin referred to Nick Saban as “Nicky Satan” during a visit to a high school in Georgia. He probably got lots of back slaps down there. Georgia isn’t too fond of the Rolling Tide right now after the SECCG. I just think it’s a total Slacker move for a coach to do that.

This is pretty ironic for James, though. Remember how mad he got when Derek Dooley’s anti-Vandy lockerroom speech hit youtube? After the 2010 Vandy game, Dooley said that UT always beats the hell out of Vandy. That’s pretty much true; and it was said in a victorious locker room. Still, James was livid, and he stayed bent out of shape about it long enough to talk to every reporter in Nashville.

So now that the shoe is on the other foot, we’ll see how the Tide responds when they play Vandy again. I’ll guarantee you this, you won’t hear a big reaction from Saban’s mouth. But you probably won’t see his walk-on 3rd string QB playing in the 4th quarter the next time the Tide plays the ‘Dores.

Until next time, Give me 20, Slackers
Coach Billy Jack

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