The Year of the Snake

I’m not much for cultural things. Dang, I have a hard enough trouble being a football coach, teacher and part-time bouncer at the Beaver Dam Roadside Tavern. But I was watching the TV news just now (since football is over), and I learned that this is Chinese New Year, and it’s the Year of the Snake.

First of all, happy Chinese New Year. I really need to go down to the buffet there in town and give a couple of high fives. Maybe I’ll do that later.

Second of all, this gives me a great time to introduce something new I thought up: “Coach’s Front Seven”. That’s a clever title, ain’t it. From time to time I’ll give you a top 7 list of things. Today, I want to bring you Coach’s Front Seven: Year of the Snake Edition.

The top 7 Snakes in the order that I think of them:

7. Lane Kiffin. The kid’s a loser and a slacker. Those of you who know me know I’m just a fan of SEC football fan in general. But if I were a Tennessee fan, I would make him No. 1.

6. Lance Armstrong

5. Manti Te’o. Yes, he and Lance have been done to death, but we have to include them.

4. Bobby Petrino. Me, Chely Sizemore and Professor Sinclair rode ol’ Bobby pretty hard this year on @secpigskin picks, but he deserved every joke we cracked. And Arkansas fans have as much right to hate him and Vol fans have to hate little Lane.

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3. The Federal government. Work together, Slackers. That’s why we sent you there.

2. The actors on that commercial. They need to run bleachers until they can act. (Everything can’t be sports related.)

1. Jerry Sandusky. Slacker and Snake of the Century, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Until next time, Give me 20 Slackers,
Coach Billy Jack Hoover
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