19 Texting Acronyms Nobody Needs

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Hasn’t made a call since 2009.

I stumbled upon a Web site a few moments ago that absolutely is the unabridged source for texting acronyms and abbreviations. Some of them I knew. A few more made sense. Some of them would actually be useful. But most of them were ridiculous.

Here are 19:

  • *$ = Starbucks. I know I’m in the minority here, but I just don’t think a coffee shop — as wildly popular as it is — deserves it’s on code name. I’m more of a “FI999APTWO” kind of guy. That stands for Folgers is $9.99 at Publix This Week Only.
  • ,!!!! = Talk to the Hand. You see, the comma is the thumb, and the exclamation points are the fingers. But I wonder why anyone would ever need to text this. Wouldn’t it be more effective just not to reply?
  • 143 = I love you. I figured this one out on my own, too. “I” has one letter. “Love” has 4 letters and “You” has 3 letters. That makes perfect sense. However, the Web site points out that “I love you, too” is 1432. Shouldn’t it be 1433 since “you” has three letters? Or could it be that the person who first made that up is one of the millions who get “too” and “to” confused? We could always use 1432 as the beginning of “I love you to swing by Starbucks and get us a latte.” Oh, and “I hate you” is 182. Logic out the window.
  • 187 = Murder. If I ever need to text the word “murder” I’m going to text “murder” because I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding on the other end.
  • 1daful = Wonderful. Who knew Barbara Walters even texted!
  • 2B-not2B = To be or not to be. I guess texting Shakespeare is called shexting.
  • 4NR = Foreigner. As in: “Who sings ‘Hot Blooded?’” 4NR! What are you 13?
  • 9 = Parent is watching. Related, 99 means Parent is no longer watching. I’m thinking that 999 could possibly mean Parent won’t be watching for a long, long time. That would create the need for: RMTGMDC, which of course means Remind me to get more D-Con. The Menendez brothers could’ve used that one.
  • ADIH = Another Day in Hell. I just thought that one was funny.
  • Aight = all right. Hey, Coach Billy Jack Hoover says that, and he still has a flip phone. (That was a SPFSECPPWATDFSO1013TB.COM, which means shameless plug for SEC Pigskin Picks which airs Tuesdays during football season on 1013thebuzz.com.
  •  AMF = Well, the first word is Adios, and you can figure out the rest of it yourself. That sentiment comes up lots and lots on there.
  • BHOF = Bald Headed Old Fart. I got nothin’.
  • BRIC = Brazil, Russia, India, China. This one falls in the I got nothin’ category as well. You know that person who texts all through the green light? Do you think they’re texting this? I don’t.

Have you noticed I’m just in the B’s? Honestly I’m only hitting about one every 15. I’ll bet that people who know all eleven thousand of these made-up acronyms also cannot remember the capital of Vermont.

  • IM = It’s Montpelier. I made that one up. It makes more sense than most of the real ones.
  • BYOA = Bring your own Advil. What?
  • CYATSC = See you at the Senior Center. So, the next time you see that LeSabre weaving in front of you, you now know what Aunt Effie is texting.
  • NE14kfc = Anyone for KFC? Take that, Starbucks. The Colonel is in da hizzle.
  • TLA = Three letter acronym. Don’t let it be lost that this is an acronym about acronyms.

Lots of them pertain to degrees of laughter combined with various uncontrollable bodily functions, convulsions and what we used to call going off one’s rocker. I’ll leave those to your imagination. At least half pertain to our society’s national past-times, and no, I’m not talking about baseball.

I’m going to leave you with my favorite, because if you’re still reading this, you deserve to finish it. So here goes:

  • GOTDPWD = Get off the dang phone while driving.

Finally, a one I can use. TTYL!

(Okay I need to know, is it just me? Leave a comment with the most outlandish texting acronym anyone ever expected you to know. I would also like to be educated about the Brazil, Russia, India, China thing. I refuse to google it.)

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

Comments

  1. Mike Owens says:

    You should have known Barry when he was a teenager. Trying to chaperone him and 5 or 6 others like him on a road trip was a learning experience. All kidding aside, Barry was a joy to have as a student. I enjoy his musings at Beaver Dam USA.

  2. Thank you, Mr. Owens. Yes, that was the state FFA convention, circa 1980. You were a great educator as well. Example: I use a bench grinder a lot these days helping Kim with her glass business, and every time I turn it off I pretty much stand there until it stops turning completely because you taught us (very passionately) never to leave a tool until it stopped. And I am proud to report Zero innocent bystanders have been injured in bench grinder accidents. (I also have never stuck my finger in a light socket. Do you remember who did that?)

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