The Choice for President Should be a Slam Dunk

barry currin, stories of a world gone mad, beaverdamusa.comI’ve always had a theory that anyone smart enough to be a great president is too smart to want to be president in the first place.

It’s simply not worth it to most people — considering the overwhelming responsibility and scrutiny, plus the constant deal making and glad handing.

Not to mention being subjected to wearing a tie every day, or having an editorial cartoonist draw you with over-sized ears or with a hairdo shaped like Idaho.

As I watch the never-ending news coverage of this dumpster fire of an election, my theory becomes more true every day.

I cannot believe that out of a country of 319 million people, our current candidates are the best six or so we can come up with. It’s ridiculous.

I walked in to the elementary school gym undecided on Super Tuesday. As I stood in line, I made the best decision I thought I could make. On the way out, I would have taken the Fifth if someone would’ve been there doing an exit poll.

At least to me, the job doesn’t sound that appealing in the first place. That may be part of the problem. Maybe if we shined up the old job description, better people would run. Here’s an idea:

Help Wanted-Full Time, “Leader of the Free World.” Would you like to fly around in your own jet and hang out with celebrities? This position offers unlimited free food prepared by world-class chefs, great salary and benefits. The successful candidate will love to golf and own lots of suits. No driver’s license required! (Some minimal invading of other countries may be required from time to time.)

It couldn’t hurt.

I can think if a bunch of people I would be thrilled to vote for if they would just throw their hats in the ring.

What about Scott Kelly? Everybody loves an astronaut. The thing that impresses me most about Kelly is that when he returned to earth recently after spending a year in space, he stayed.

I’m surprised he didn’t get out of the spaceship, look around at what a mess we have become, then fire that thing back up and go back for another tour.

Here’s another idea. Since I always think we could use a southerner in the White House, I nominate Archie Manning. He carries himself well and is classy. He’s soft-spoken, sincere, and he certainly seems wise. He obviously knows how to handle adversity since he stuck with the horrible New Orleans Saints all those years. Plus, he raised good kids. Olivia would make a charming First Lady.

Michael Jordan might make a good president. If he ran, I certainly would hear him out. He’s driven. He’s a winner. And, again, he’s a classy guy. During the State of the Union address, we could put a goal up on the wall behind Paul Ryan, and Old No. 23 could leap between him and the vice president and slam dunk it.

That, ladies and gentlemen, would be worthy of applause from both sides of the aisle.

You could probably even talk me into voting for Oprah. Yeah, I know, that’s kind of cliché of me to suggest, but it should be noted she beat every odd conceivable on her way to where she is today. I am certain her diplomatic skills are razor sharp. And, she might just give us all a new car.

I am sure none of those four has any intention of ever getting into politics. They all know better, just like my theory states.

It’s sad, though. In about 10 minutes’ time, I came up with four people I think are worthy of being President of the United States.

It took me a lot longer than that to chose the lesser of six evils on primary day.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him:

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