The Super Bowl in 5 sentences

The Super Bowl is the biggest spectacle in American sports. Heck, it’s probably the biggest dang spectacle in America, period. It’s kind of a shame that the entire production from start to finish can be summed up in 5 sentences, but I’m gonna do it. I’ll run bleachers until dark if I can’t. Here goes:

Super Bowl XLVII
in 5 Sentences

Baltimore made it look easy in the first half. Beyonce is hot. Bar Refaeli kissed a Slacker. The lights went out for 30 minutes. San Francisco decided to make it interesting before losing 34-31 following the worst no-call in sports history.

You might notice that only 2 of the 5 sentences actually mentioned football. That’s because most of the hype before, during and after has to do with the things that happen between plays. It’s kind of a shame, but even an old hard-nosed coach like me can appreciate a diversion now and then. Take Chely Sizemore for instance. She is one fine diversion down there at The Beaver Dam Roadside Tavern.

Follow @chelysizemore on twitter.

And Beyonce, when you read this, you are entitled to anything in The Beaver Dam Roadside Tavern store for half price. Just visit

Until next time,
Give Me 20, Slackers!
Coach Billy Jack Hoover

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