Pull Up Them Britches, Girlfriend

Nobody Ever Needs to See
Your Thong in Public

What Would Chely Do?
by Chely Sizemore

Sandra writes: Take a look at this pic, Chely. Do you think this is a sexy look or not?
butt floss thong beaverdamusa.com

Dear Sandra:

Let’s see… How do I put this mildly?…NO, it’s not sexy unless you’re trying to look like the world’s trashiest stripper!

Whew. I feel better now. Let me explain what I meant. Well, actually that is exactly what I meant. Look, sexy is all about two things: 1) being confident, and 2) leaving something to the imagination.

Confident means being comfortable with yourself and having a healthy self esteem. Hanging your bare bottom off the back of a bar stool isn’t confident, it’s skanky. And there ain’t nothin’ comfortable about this mess.

Let’s talk about leaving something to the imagination. In this picture, the only thing left to my imagination is why she has her jeans and drawers on crooked. Did she slip down? Is she stuck to the stool and can’t get loose? Because if she is, it’s time for her to get some help and go where she won’t be seen. (Maybe she’s married to this guy.)

So let’s break this down. Her jeans don’t fit. Her shirt doesn’t fit. And it’s obvious that her tie-dyed thong looks like somebody gave her a sideways wedgie, and she didn’t have time to try and fix it. This much is for sure: it didn’t happen when somebody was trying to stick a dollar bill in there, I can tell you that. (Follow Chely on twitter.)

And I just right now noticed, for Heaven’s sake, that you can see part of her rear end below the waist band! Peek-a-boo! I see skanky! I can’t look away. She’s like a wreck on the interstate.

Listen, girls: If you want a sexy blue jean look, start by getting a pair that fit. Don’t get them baggy, but please don’t leave your assets hanging in the wind. Here’s a test: if you sit down and you can feel a draft, you’ve gotta keep shopping around. And if you just have to wear that tie-dyed thong, make sure it’s covered. If you don’t, those people you hear laughing behind you… well, they just might be laughing at you.

Do you have a question for me? email chelyhugs@gmail.com.


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