Unprepared From Head to Toe

barry currin, stories of a world gone mad, beaverdamusa.comWe went to the National Cornbread Festival in South Pittsburg, Tenn., over the weekend.

It turned out to be more of a challenge than it should have been.

It’s funny — not funny ha-ha, but funny sad — how things get more complicated as we age.

Back in the day, we would’ve tossed on some shorts, a T-shirt and flip-flops, put the top down and made a day out of it. It’s not so much that way anymore. 

On the way over, I realized I really needed an antacid. I don’t typically carry things like that around with me. I simply cannot bring myself to do it. But after 15 minutes of heartburn I wished I had.

Lo and behold, though, I suddenly realized we had some tablets in the car in a medicine kit left over from an overnight trip we took recently.

I’m not sure why, but simply knowing they were there made the heartburn go away. 

It’s possible this proves I’m more of a hypochondriac than I thought I was.

But that’s beside the point.

I made a footwear mistake, which would have been unheard of for me just a few years ago.

I wore a pair of loafers. 

They’re technically called driving loafers, which sounds like something Elon Musk would wear while whizzing around Bel Air in his Tesla. But don’t be misled; they were inexpensive.

I guess that’s why the soles are paper thin. They’re drivers, not walkers.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to the cornbread festival, but there is plenty of gravel between the parking and the gate.

The old driving loafers didn’t fare too well in that environment, so by the time we got inside I was about halfway hobbled.

When we got inside the gate, we spent a few minutes looking at painted gourd birdhouses, carpenter bee traps and homemade hot sauces. 

We ate a corndog.

It was hot, and the sun was beating down.

It was also April, which makes me real uncomfortable thinking about how I’m going to feel in August.

I was unprepared from head to toe. I didn’t treat my feet right, and I didn’t treat my head right, either.

It didn’t take too long before I realized I desperately needed a hat to protect my head where more hair should be.

What the heck, I thought. I’ll just buy one. Someone must be selling hats, and almost anything would be better than a sunburned head.

All I could find were a ball cap with the UPS logo and a Florida Gators doo-rag.

I’m good with UPS, but not enough to wear their logo. The Gators, not so much.

I considered buying a painted gourd and trying to break it in half to make a little helmet.

The walk back across the gravel was more painful than the walk inside.

I have now come to the realization that a trip even as short as a half-day outdoor excursion is going to take more planning from here on out than it used to take.

I’m going to need to travel with more supplies and accessories apparently, which is just more stuff to keep up with and leave behind somewhere.

I’m not getting a fanny pack, though. You can write that one down.

I will either suffer or stay home.

About Barry Currin

Barry tries to be funny and poignant, and he's usually satisfied when he succeeds with one or the other. (Being both is awesome. And sometimes that happens.) Email him: currin01@gmail.com

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